5 Things Cis People Can Actually Do For Trans People (Now That You Care About Us)

It’s been a weird year for trans people.

Allow me to be more specific: It’s been a heated, daring, tumultuous, graphic, specularizing, aggressive, pointed, contentious, highly fatal, and really, really complicated year for trans people.

Here are a few examples: Kristina Gomez Reinwald, Ty Underwood, Lamia Beard, and many other transwomen of color have been brutally murdered at the hands of lovers, family members, and strangers. Meanwhile, Laverne Cox and Janet Mock have come to fame and exhibited incredible feats of grace, articulation, and poignancy under the gaze of an eager media. Blake Brockington, Leelah Alcorn, Taylor Alesana, and many other transgender youth have committed suicide after enduring endless bullying and systematic brutality. Meanwhile, Jazz Jennings became the new face of Clean & Clear and published a children’s picture book about her life, and teen trans couple Arin Andrews and Katie Hill (best known for “Can You Even Believe They’re Trans?!” types of headlines) wrote and published individual books about their very public relationship and their mutual transitions. Transman Aydian Dowling took a dramatic lead in the Men’s Health cover contest, and newly out Caitlyn Jenner displayed her insta-transition on the cover of Vanity Fair. Meanwhile, trans people without the genetic predisposition/material wealth/desire to transition into cisnormatively beautiful bodies are disproportionately homeless, or sexually exploited, or incarcerated, or dead.

So, to recap: Transwomen are either models of cisnormative beauty, or they’re dead. Trans youth are either models of cisnormative beauty, or they’re dead. Transmen are either models of cisnormative beauty, or they simply don’t exist. This is the landscape for trans media representation in 2015.

I’m not saying 2015 has offered nothing in the way of pride and productivity for trans people. I’m not even saying the events being applauded as progress are totally useless. But interpretations of ‘pride’ and ‘productivity’ for transgender Americans, as exemplified by Media representation in 2015, have left most of us transfolks (particularly the ones desperate for space and resources) still silenced by louder, more privileged, more lucrative, and more entertaining trans narratives.

If nothing else can be said about this weird cultural climate, it has certainly established a whole gaggle of cisgender people claiming to want to be good advocates for transfolks. The problem, of course, is most new “allies” seem to think reposting Caitlyn Jenner’s reveal photo entitles them to a freshly baked ally cookie, and anyone (even transfolks) challenging the ways they think about transfolks sends them into an immediate cis-savior defensiveness downspiral. Thanks to the Media, even cis people calling themselves “allies” still think they know more about trans people than trans people do, and they are more than happy to tell transfolks to shut up when they don’t like what they’re hearing.

I am here to tell you that I have no cookies to offer. If you still want to be an advocate for transgender people, then you may actually care about transgender people. Neat. Read on.

Here is a short list of standards and principles you can integrate into your daily life to be an all around better person, and to do something with your cisgender privilege (beyond asking pronouns and not asking stupid questions, which are also important) in the era of armchair activism.

1. Shut up.

If one more cis person tells me they’re “entitled to their opinion” about this whole Caitlyn Jenner thing, I’m gonna go pre-maturely gray.  When trans people are talking about trans things, stop talking and listen. Turn down the volume on your cis privilege and take your sound-cancelling defensiveness headphones off. When a trans person says, “This media story makes me uncomfortable,” you can say, “Do you want to say more about that?” You cannot say, “You’re thinking about this all wrong!” When a trans person says, “I am really frustrated by the way I’m feeling/being treated,” you can say “Is there something I can do to support you?” You cannot say “But imagine how much worse it could be!” The number one best thing you can do as a cis person advocating for trans people is remember that trans people are experts on their own lives, and though we may or may not be open to hearing it, we don’t actually need your opinion.

2. Show up.

As a cisgender person, regardless of your other intersecting identities, you are privileged with spaces and resources that trans people are not afforded. You may or may not be aware of what these privileges are or how they affect your daily life, but I assure you they are there. Depending on where you find yourself in the matrix of oppression and privilege, there are a variety of ways you might use your position to support transgender people. Can you give $1000 to your friend’s surgery fund? Amazing, do that. Can you give $5? Fabulous, do that then. Do you parent or work with kids? Identify gender-positive youth work or parenting practices that allow your young people to make their own choices about gender expression. Do you work in management or administration? Help ensure your space is safer and more accessible for trans folks, like supporting trans-inclusive hiring practices. Going out to dinner with a friend who’s trans? Choose a place they’ll be able to pee. Micro or macro, just do what you can, and don’t be a dick about it.

3. Stop crying.

Despite the many severe trials and tribulations experienced by transgender communities, it ain’t all bad. While I certainly appreciate the support I have received from my family and peers, the “gosh, you’re just so brave” line is more than a little exhausting. We are people capable of all kinds of emotions: bravery and fear, celebration and crisis, love and pain, and plenty in between. Most of us have some people we call family or friends, most of us have some hobbies and interests we enjoy, most of us laugh as much if not more than we cry. Trans people, like disabled people or homeless people or otherwise seemingly “tragic” people, do not exist to be your inspiration porn. Show us your pride in us by letting both our pains and our successes be our own.

4. Remember we walk among you.

Turns out not all trans people are celebrities (even if we are in our own heads). In fact, despite our transitions, most of us have incredibly boring lives. I won’t say we’re no different from cisgender people, as that’s certainly not the case. But we do drive the same streets as you, and go to the same schools as you, and shop in the same stores as you.  If there are trans people in your life, remember we are more than our gender identities. If you are in public, remember there’s probably a trans person within earshot. Remember we are real people with real lives and real needs, working at jobs and living in homes if we’re so privileged, and we need real, honest, authentic advocates to support us in the parts of survival that feel hard. And we also probably don’t want to talk to you about Caitlyn Jenner anymore.

5. Get your information about trans people from trans people.

That doesn’t mean open season on questions about trans politics for any trans person you encounter. Being a trans person who studies and writes gender theory, I am usually somewhere on the happy-to-okay scale about having these conversations with people, but not all trans people live in that sort of headspace. There are an abundance of transfolk writers, scholars, and activists that continuously publish work on any and all aspects of transgender identity, and they are certainly less likely to include/reproduce icky rhetorical errors and factual inaccuracies than cis people writing on the same things. Plus, reading a narrative that a trans person has published with the intent of being read is a much less invasive way of absorbing information than prodding your token trans acquaintance for answers. Some texts are certainly more academic than others, and those can prove difficult to access intellectually if you are not familiar with gender/social theory fields. If you’re new to this whole thing, start with a few gentle reads: Transgender Liberation: Beyond Pink or Blue by Leslie Feinberg, Whipping Girl by Julia Serano, and Redefining Realness by Janet Mock are all excellent places to start. Just read a book, goddammit.

That’s it. That’s all I got. You take it from here.

  

70 Comments

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  1. How sad.

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  2. you know the old internet mantra ‘the comments on any article about feminism shows the need for feminism in the first place’? yeah that’s what i’m getting here. A transman writes tips for people on what they can do now that they’re more aware of an issue in a sarcastic tone because he’s probably fed up with all the ignorant things he keeps hearing
    only to spark a whole new host of ignorant comments from people who are so offended that someone would remind them of all the privileges they have
    that they would rather attack him and anyone who defends his logic than actually think about the myriad ways they are privileged and what that might mean for how they interact with other people.

    Liked by 1 person

    • The reason the author of the article receives criticism is due to the fact that they present the very same flaws they assign to cis people in their logic.

      Liked by 2 people

    • Fag Bitchington June 12, 2015 — 9:33 am

      A shity titty trany writes a passive agressive article about something that no one but them cares about and gets a bunch of shitty passive aggressive comments. Sounds like the universe is in balance.

      Like

      • and yet you care enough to read the whole thing and then leave insulting comments using inflammatory slurs…..

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  3. Jesus your fucking gross. Call me when you can grow a real dick, faggot.

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  4. Both the article and comments make interesting points. I’m optimistic for the future of trans and cis people. I truly think there are a huge amount of people who just don’t understand non-binary and non-cis concepts, but who would accept it as perfectly normal if they did. In this respect I believe Caitlyn Jenner has been a positive force.

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  5. Love it and I love the picture of you at the bottom. Looks very powerful!

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  6. Thank you for sharing. I hear you and appreciate your perspective.

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  7. I say whatever makes you happy in life go for it!

    Liked by 1 person

  8. who do you think you are with your trans privilege telling anyone what to say or think? how is it you are entitled to an opinion on them and they are not permitted to question the complex ideas of trans identity? do you think this issue only affects trans? have you considered that the families of trans people have had to shut up and listen to years of trans ‘me me me , i, i, i ‘ while trying to be supportive and getting shat on from a great height by people who only seem to ever talk about themselves and their own needs while spouting lame old narratives about suicide. compelled by the increasingly hysterical trans rhetoric of victimisation, you mention the deaths of two or three transwomen ‘and many more’, yet you conveniently ignore the history of womens oppression and the fact that 32 women are murdered by men in the usa every single week, year in year out, since forever, and that suicide threats are not typically validated by a whole medical industry falling over itself to profit from your distress by iatrogenically pathologising your healthy body and making you dependent on them for life. in the uk, you get this free at public expense on the nhs plus disability benefits and free housing. just for mentioning suicide. now thats privilege. who the fuck do you think you are calling out women who have been conditioned by patriarchy to fear male displeasure and feel pity for your distress and anguish and are trying to show some sympathy? they are trying to hear you, but you, like a stereotypical male, you speak over them and wont allow them to be heard…. with your oh so informed opinions so obviously aimed at women.. what exactly is it about being born a woman you feel is such a privilege anyway? the violence and coercion? the free reproductive labour and poverty? the 100% responsibility for birth control or the political control of their reproductive autonomy and the disadvantage biology and maternal responsibility is and has always been in an ‘arbeit macht frei’ economy? if you were a woman you’d instinctively know this trans meme is just another way of erasing womens real lived experience of their own oppression as a sex class. most women of childbearing age and onward have more pressing economic concerns, not to mention their own body dysphoria, than to pay for some narcissists cosmetic surgery. you have such a long way to go..

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  9. Life is too short not to be the person that you feel you were meant to be. Everyone should just live and let live.. Everyone deserves to be treated with kindness, dignity, and respect regardless of which gender they may or may not identify with.

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  10. Fag Bitchington June 12, 2015 — 9:27 am

    How about we all ignore you? I’m going to ignore you.

    Like

  11. It started from civil rights, next was women’s rights, then gay rights, now trans rights, I wonder what next?

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  12. Reblogged this on CockAsia Adventures and commented:
    So fucking good.

    Like

  13. Before I begin I’d like to add a note about pronouns. As a rule I use the pronouns a person was using at the time I knew them. So if I knew someone as a female, before any realization or transition, I use female pronouns. When they switch pronouns and names I switch to the pronoun (or lack in there of) and name of choice.

    A friend of mine shared this article on Facebook. It’s taken me a while to try and process my feelings.

    I’ve been an ally of the trans community for about twenty-five years. When I was seventeen this sixteen year old punk came up to me, wrote her phone number on my arm, picked up my Walkman, and took off. All this happened at a SMYAL support group meeting. We were together for about a year before we broke up. As time passed in our relationship my lover expressed feelings she had hidden deep inside herself for her whole life. It took a long time for us to find the word “transexual” and theorize that she could be male rather than female.

    It was the Spring of 1994, back then GLB (no “T” had been added yet) issues weren’t covered by mainstream media. We had our own network of newspapers, nothing national – only regional. That year was the year that Brandon Teena’s murder was being investigated. The only way we could get information about the murder and rapes was through The Washington Blade. Together my lover and I read in terror and in hope about what was happening. We saw ourselves in Brandon and Lana Tisdel. Back then it was reported that Lana knew that Brandon was trans and loved him, that they were raising her baby together, and that they had been aimed at living happily ever after. But then a group of transphobic asshats raped both Brandon and Lana, and murdered Brandon in small town USA. But hope sprang up again. It was reported that the sheriff didn’t care about the trans issue – rape and murder were wrong and he was going to put the people who did it in jail. Time and better reporting resources have shown that was not exactly the case. It was reported that the sheriff had a river blocked and drained in order to find the murder weapon. So my lover and I thought that even though the world outside was scary there was hope for us, that he could live as a man. Even after we broke up we remained friends for years.

    Transgendered (yes, the “ed” is there, that’s what it was called back then) rights has always been my passion. In my work with SMYAL I gave talks to maybe a hundred or more high schools about GLB issues as part of a peer speakers network. I was interviewed on NPR twice, in a fuck-ton of documentaries, and even went to nation conferences by the GLB community and even ones by straight organizations. Every time I talked about GLB I also talked about trans issues. In the community I fought to get the “T” added. I argued for inclusion based on the fact that a lot of trans people were ending up in the GLB because of what they thought was same-sex attraction. At every talk I moved people from using the terms of “transsexual” and “cross dresser” to “transgendered”. Every time I would say “It’s about the gender – not the sex or just the clothing.” It has been and will always be my choice to speak because so many people were closeted. I *could* speak when others couldn’t or wouldn’t. Back in the early-to mid 1990s there was the first FtM convention held in San Francisco – and I was the ONLY cis gendered person there. I went not just to show my support but to actually support. When there was a presentation going on I’d offer to watch the door so that FtMs could go in and hear it.

    Today few in this town know my past. All they know is a single mom. In essence, I pass as “normal”. So when people make comments or ask questions I can guide them through their fears and help them think in terms they aren’t use to. They trust me. I can bring up the idea of gender neutral bathrooms at PTA meeting and I am not rejected as a trouble maker.

    So with all this history I read your article and thought “well fuck you too.” Because really, fuck you. Let me break this down for you.

    1. Shut up.

    For DECADES I have been speaking up, not sitting down, and certainly not being quiet on the issues trans people face. When I can, I let the community speak for itself. But because of my cis privilege there are doors open to me that an out-trans person can’t enter.

    I will never be quiet.

    2. Show up.

    Honey, I’ve been showing up longer than you’ve been shitting in toilets. I have been there, I have done that, and I have so many shirts to show for my adventures I could clothe a continent.

    While we’re at it, why don’t YOU show up and help trans kids? Did you know that the University of Minnesota Transgender Health Services currently has a six month waiting list for teens? That from said list only TWO teens are admitted per month? They are in desperate need of adults to help, especially licensed therapists and doctors. If they could they would take everyone that comes to them for help. But they need help in order to give it.

    3. Stop crying.

    Never. When cis gender people stop feeling pain at the murder of a trans individual we’re all screwed. As long as I live I will celebrate the victories and mourn the losses in the trans communities.

    4. Remember we walk among you.

    Duh!

    5. Get your information about trans people from trans people.

    At least we agree about something.

    Liked by 3 people

    • Your reply is defensive and vitriolic. Think of yourself as an ally if you want to, but this reply just makes you look mean. It also makes you look like you think you already know it all, and can therefore not learn anything new. You have clearly misinterpreted the author’s message. And being this disrespectful and bully-ish in your reply to a person who is transgender automatically removes you from ‘ally’ status in my mind.

      Because sometimes those of us who have been allies for years to marginalized communities still need to Shut Up. This author means that sometimes those of us who are cisgender are going to get it wrong, no matter how much we care, or how much we’ve studied, or learned, or loved someone who is transgender. There is still a time and a place when we need to shut up. You would have done well to do so in this instance instead of going on the defensive and being ageist, arrogant, and rude.

      And you have NO IDEA what kind of things this person is doing to ‘Show Up’. Check yourself on your assumptions there.

      “Stop Crying” means that always wallowing, or saying ‘you’re so brave’, or exoticizing trans people, especially when trying to connect with them, is trite, and inadvertently continues to otherize our trans friends. Just let them be themselves. Let them be your friend. If they want a shoulder to cry on, sure, be there and be empathetic. But don’t always make your friendship with a trans person about how awesome or understanding or open or ‘allied’ you are. OF COURSE we cis folks need to care about the trans community, and the tragedies they suffer at disproportionate rates. I think the author here is trying to say that trans folks want to be treated the same as we treat cis folks in the human-connection category.

      Your response to point 4 is dismissive and childish. Don’t be all “Well, I knew that already.” Honestly, if you really considered yourself an ally already, this blog wasn’t aimed at you anyway. Grow up.

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    • Well said Elizabeth! I too am an ally, although not as long as you have been! I do have a trans daughter and so have a bit of personal insight and experience. Good for you for speaking your mind and I too will NEVER keep quiet! We must all take a stand and stand up and do what is right for all the transgender community! 🙂

      Like

  14. I’ve given this one a lot of thought, probably more than it’s worth, and here is my long, even if not well, thought out response.
    First, and not on the list of five, is this: Privilege my ass. Unless you count being blamed for every problem someone else doesn’t want to own as a privilege, you can back that shit right out of my face. Enough of that, on with the show.

    1.) Shut up.
    This one was designed to start things out with a bang, to be a bit outrageous and throw people off balance. Nice try.
    Even the most misguided opinions can be changed to some degree with a bit of education, the fostering of understanding. This requires a certain amount of dialogue. A person who has no respect for someone’s right to an opinion has no right to go about shouting “OPPRESSION!” when that person doesn’t care to listen to their pontificating. Onward.

    2.) Show up
    First, what person with an iota of self respect would even want to show up for someone like our hero from paragraph #1?
    Can you see the possibility there? Sitting in silence for hours because you are so ignorant while some angry victim gives you their take on privilege and oppression, then getting to do it again with the next one and the next and the next?
    Going out to dinner? Let your trans friend choose the place. It’s not your problem. Don’t be a dick is good advice in general, no matter who you are. If, however, it becomes necessary, fire for effect.

    3.) Stop crying.
    Okay.

    4.) Remember we walk among you.

    Who are we? Who are you? The lines that divide us are in our heads, not our pants.

    5.) Get your information about trans people from trans people.

    And be sure to get your information about straight white guys from straight white guys. We always tell it like it is and we are all just the same so it’s real easy to know everything about us.
    I think I’m done here.

    Liked by 1 person

  15. I kind of like this. You’re being very normal about all of this, instead of being very extreme, which a lot of people seem to be, in their opinions and views of transgenderness (is that a word? my bad).

    I also like your recommendation that we “shut up,” but in this one instance, I’m not going to shut up…but at least I’m adding comments to your post and I’m trying to say something that isn’t hateful.

    My opinion is that too much is being said (on the internet & in the media). Everyone has some kind of opinion or little thing they feel so compelled to say and to make sure everyone knows (just like me in this case!). But ultimately, it’s not all that complicated. If people want to or need to or feel that they want to or need to be trans, that’s totally fine with me AND it doesn’t matter if it’s fine with me or not. If we met in some context, it would not bother me or offend me. More than anything, I’d probably be curious about your specific story or I would just want to get drunk and converse, as I do with mostly everyone anyway.

    I do have certain opinions on how or why people are trans, but I keep that shit to myself because it doesn’t make a difference to the people who are trans. And, if there is anything that does bother me about transgendered people, it isn’t really very hard to avoid those things. It’s much harder for trans people to avoid shit that is conflict with their way of being, so I think we should all just live and let live.

    One thing is for sure…in the end we will all be categorized as the same type of people…dead people! And dead people don’t give a f***.

    I will say, I don’t really like being called cisgender. I’d rather be referred to as a guy, a dude, a man…so just don’t call me cisgender to my face. But, if that’s the term you use on your own time, that’s cool.

    Liked by 1 person

    • You know cisgender is just… what you are, if your gender and the biological sex you were born with match up. It’s not something that you go around calling someone, and it’s not like.. some new category of people. Nor is it some sort of nickname or derogatory name.. it’s basically a scientific term. Lol I guess if you don’t like it that’s your thing, it just seems really weird that someone acknowledging that you were born male and identify as a man would bother you.

      Like

  16. Please use a space. It’s “trans women”. Thanks

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  17. “Nature,” sex changes occur in several taxonomic groups, “including fish, echinoderms, crustaceans, molluscs and polychaete worms.” Since 2003, scientists have also documented the phenomenon in several other animals, including a few amphibian and reptile species.

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  18. Humans where not included within the taxonomic groups… I think trans would naturally occur if it life was intended to be that way…

    Liked by 1 person

  19. Likewise. Take your own advice.

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  20. I also like your recommendation that we “shut up,” but in this one instance

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  21. liamanthony2014 June 13, 2015 — 10:01 am

    Reblogged this on To be Liam and commented:
    As a disabled trans person, I relate to this statement on a deeply personal level.

    “Trans people, like disabled people or homeless people or otherwise seemingly “tragic” people, do not exist to be your inspiration porn. Show us your pride in us by letting both our pains and our successes be our own.”

    Yes, please. I’m not here for anyone’s entertainment.

    Like

  22. liamanthony2014 June 13, 2015 — 10:02 am

    Reblogged.

    Like

  23. Reblogged this on Chief-Pressdog.

    Like

  24. What a twisty, predictable comments section! This thread might have to become part of my Critical Thinking syllabus, just because it hits so many of the informal fallacies.

    The OP is quite obviously directed at those who wish to be better allies. It baffles me that people who have no such desire would spend time not only reading it, but commenting. Do you also look up recipes for beef stroganoff online and then whinge about its not being chocolate ice cream?

    This post is not a justification for the existence of trans people. None is needed. We do exist. We are here and we always have been. If that bothers you, you’ll figure out a way to cope. If your objections to our existence are religious, you may want to keep in mind that if you have to badger people to get them to notice your (s)creed, it’s probably because they didn’t notice it for its lovingkindness, mindfulness, truth, or usefulness. You are making your religion look like something no healthy person would want any part of.

    Anyone who really cares about intersex people isn’t likely to call them “hermaphrodites.” Just sayin’. . . .

    The terms “cis” and “cisgender” are necessary for articulating trans experience, so most of us don’t feel any obligation to accommodate those who attempt to police our language in that regard.

    Finally, and probably most importantly, tone policing is a cheap avoidance technique that skirts any issue and makes the policer feel absolved of the responsibility to think before speaking. Being nice and asking the people seeking our deaths or political marginalisation or erasure to please stop hasn’t worked and isn’t likely to in the future. So, while we work (along with our real friends) on our lives and social position, we’ll go ahead and be honest. If you’re going to decide that being an ally isn’t for you based on one blog post, or even several like it, then the movement will probably be better off for your sitting it out. The stuff that’s going down ain’t pretty and it takes strength to deal with.

    All these side issues. . . well, this is exactly the reason for #1 in the OP. People who do not understand what is going on take over so very many of the conversations we try to have, with their Oh So Important opinions and takes on the issue without really understanding. Imagine having all these tangents and bits of advice arise every time you tried to have a conversation. That’s what happens.

    We know who our friends are by how they react to #1.

    Liked by 1 person

    • use your damn brain das,

      tone policing IS important. nobody is going to get a DIME out of me EVER if they don’t address me with respect and as an equal. you guys have an inferiority complex, fair enough, it’s probably tough to be trans, but if you manifest it outwardly as a superiority complex, then guess what? YES the comment section will predictably be full of defensive comments.

      maybe you guys should stop reading about yourselves, and pick up a book about psychology and how to get along with everyone. it’s probably far more productive than your insufferable BITCHING and WHINING.

      like… this article changed me, and for the WORST. it just goes to show how entitled and bigoted and jealous and hostile trans people can be. you’d think they’d be more open to being open-minded given their experiences.

      wah wah wah. you get back what you put out into the world. so simple. just… use your damn brain das, use it!!!!!!

      Like

    • my question is what can be done? as someone who reads every article posted by my friends that identify with marginalized communities, I find little in terms of what is desired and much more on what is NOT acceptable. in this sense, I understand where someone less connected and IN conversation about a topic such as this feels that there is a superiority complex at play.
      but that is not what I am curious about because I like to think I listen (aka shut up), yet too often criticism is the continuous topic of conversation. does positive feedback have a role in this struggle, from an ally’s perspective?

      this world of internet posts and essays is rife with opinion. often i am so easily caught up in the ideas and comments of a single author. i feel frustrated by the fact that I want the best for those I love, and in many ways moreso for those who feel unloved by our social and institutional structures, and yet I read only how it seems that my very existence plays to further the experiences and traumas of an oppressive history and present. but where I collect myself, is upon realizing that each article I read is often the thoughts, feelings, and responses of individual people. these articles reflect the reactions and perspectives of single people. people whom I have not met and have not had the opportunity to listen to. and then i realize the magic of the internet is truly that it allows all those who have something to say, to connect with others who will either simply read, or will take into account THEIR account. and can synthesize it alongside the stories of those who they know and have listened to, and truly conversed with, who experience oppression at the hands of a cisgender white capitalist patriarchy.

      the best work we can do is on the ground, one on one. ground zero.

      Like

      • The entire OP is about what can be done. It’s not terribly difficult or demanding. How much positive feedback to you expect in friendships with people who aren’t marginalised? In my experience, the positive feedback tends to be the continued relationship, but that may work differently for others.

        Like

  25. Parenthesis shouldn’t be used to put emphasis behind words. It looks like the titel revers to “cendental” People.

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  26. Reblogged this on Marci, Mental Health, & More and commented:
    1. Shut up.
    2. Show up.
    3. Stop crying.
    4. Remember we walk among you.
    5. Get your information about trans people from trans people.

    Like

  27. Writing my coming out story right now ! How you view & comment it – maybe even share it , I’m a 18 year old Bi sexual 😀

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  28. Number one really isn’t fair, especially when you consider how many bloggers, professors, etc. are so often calling for increased dialogue on gender issues. Do you want dialogue, or do you want to speak without having to listen to anyone else?

    I understand not wanting to hear out people who basically spit prejudice, then justify it by saying, “I’m entitled to my opinion,”–but the thing is that they are entitled to their opinion, and an open mind will invite even the most ignorant and offensive fools into open dialogue. Why? Because then those fools show themselves for what they are, without the help of anyone’s censorship.

    Liked by 1 person

  29. So many people forget #2 on this list!

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  30. menoimagination June 15, 2015 — 6:07 am

    This. Just this. Well done for writing this.

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  31. HadafElHadafeen June 15, 2015 — 6:20 am

    This article attempts to stereotype all transgenders. “remember that trans people are experts on their own lives, and though we may or may not be open to hearing it, we don’t actually need your opinion.” No, not all trans people are alike, not ALL trans people are experts on their own lives. Some may actually appreciate another’s opinion. This author thinks he can speak for all transgenders as if they are all the same as him. Asinine

    Like

    • Dude what the hell June 16, 2015 — 12:10 pm

      Dude this literally says that some people may be open to hearing your opinion. The piece you quoted LITERALLY says that. It just says they don’t need it. And the ones that want it will probably ask for it and don’t need you or anyone just offering info on how to live their lives better. Gross.

      Like

    • Anything is usually better than nothing, if it comes from a good place, but at the same time the best thing that confused/questioning trans people can do is seek out and talk to other trans people. There really is no substitute for lived life experience in these cases, especially when you’re talking about feelings, experiences, and perspectives that cis people just don’t have by definition.

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  32. I really really enjoyed reading this!!!

    I see how people in comments are getting very cranky at being told their opinion isn’t relevant or useful.

    I just can’t seem to sympathise with them. At all.

    Like

  33. Awesome

    Like

  34. A great read, great timing and awesomely enlightening! If you haven’t checked out Gendef*kation, I would like to throw it out there too as another resourse that might be helpful to folks in educating around many of the subjects you brought up and many others. Some people may have difficulty with reading, so a visual medium might offer another opportunity to learn and enlighten themselves. Genderf*kation, A Gender Emancipation can be viewed on Amazon’s On-Demand for $1.99 or purchased for $14.95: http://www.amazon.com/Genderf-kation-Emancipation-Chris-Durant/dp/B008NX6ZX2/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1434376998&sr=8-1&keywords=genderfkation

    Genderf*kation facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/pages/GenderFKation/174344645841?fref=ts

    Like

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